the other sex

Prior to this post we spoke about single statuses and relationships yada yada. The initial idea was to get that post done and over with, and move on. Well seems like the plan failed and it set me into another motion of thinking, again. Thinking, always thinking the cycle never ends. Which is why I'm secretly typing this up while at work while my mind's still fresh on high. And since I'm punching them letters now might as well get over it. Let's start.

So friends and family constantly ask and badger me about my lack of a partner in life. Having been in a previous long relationship of six years back then may have set the idea in them that it was meant to be. It was not, and its been a while not being back in the game. And with age (!!) catching up, you get the gist right? So it ultimately comes down to the conclusion (or speculation if you would call it) that I have too high standards, too choosy for my own good, etc. Why me?! In my defense, I don't see them male species flocking around really so I don't get the fault issue here either. Not to be cynical, but seems like all the good ones have already been snapped up? Let's be real, we all have that ideal Prince Charming from the woods, but in reality they either don't exist or they're already snagged by some other lucky bitch. Boohoo. Which leads us back to the standard question that follows after - what sort of guys do you go for?

umm H A W T-ness overload (!!!)

I kid. You wish.

Swing it around me then. Um, let's just say I could tell you the list of qualities one should have (not in general, but IMO just saying), but we all know that sort of bull-list-shit doesn't really work. Nor do we walk around with mental checklists in our heads while eyeing up potential preys. What happens, happens, fin. I don't even know what sort of 'type' I would go for as I would choose between Givenchy or Stella McCartney. Okay but I guess we all have those certain few desired characteristics that do appeal to our hearts. Let's be honest, who doesn't love a hunk to begin with? Just superficiality of life, it works for me too. Nothing appeals more than a fine jaw, piercing eyes and a fine set of teeth. Well maybe not just that. Oh, and some height would help, cause God help me I'm small enough myself. Personally, I love a little scruff on them boys, or maybe I watch too much Hollywood on CBS and CW Network. Fan-girling is always just up my alley, you don't want to get me started. Oooooookay so superficial assets aside, what else makes the cake (yum)?

Faith - What is the world without faithless men? One too many really. I personally abhor the likes of them, so naturally this point comes first in line. If this trait does not exist in one, its a deal breaker already and nothing else counts. Do not even think about it. Ever.

Chemistry - Hm, tough one. But vital nonetheless. Not easy to achieve, personally, but then again I don't really know. A similar wavelength, common interest and topics to joke/ponder about, etc. Let's be honest - basically someone who can talk and not make me roll my eyes about. A surge of 'butterflies in stomach' as they say? Do people really get that for real?

Intelligence - Nothing speaks louder about a person than personality. You could look like shit and still be charming at the same time, and for that you could still be the luckiest dude on earth. Intelligence we speak here of includes both EQ and IQ. You don't have to be the smartest kid on the block (I'm not that smart either), but knowledge is key. No need for high qualifications or dozen of certificates, what speaks the mind probably sounds more interesting anyway. A great command of English never fails to rock my socks either. EQ is about knowing who, what, how in times of when and where. If that makes sense.

Drive - No rich kids needed. That's just pure sheer luck IMO really. Instead of being handed the goods, why not work hard for it? Like I said, never settle for anything less. Not talking about working to gain the riches or materials in life, but rather setting realistic goals and working towards them. Basically, don't be a  B U M it's that simple. Honestly even declaring a diet and actually sticking by it counts for something.

Confidence - Just being comfortable in yourself, so the chicken in me sometimes would have that support to count on myself. No need for arrogance, that's the fine line there. I know that I tend to be riding that high horse myself sometimes, so challenge me with a debate of fun proves the sexiness I need. Purr.

Style - Tied in with the former, style exudes confidence. I love fashion (way) too much to not have a similar partner in tow. No need for the full gear of get ups really, we're just talking about a l'il spruce up here. No Chinese sport shoes (God forbid) of that sort please, I might just faint from horror.

Curiosity - Curiosity for knowledge is one cause I'm always curious. Documentaries are my secret loves. Or you could put it as being adventurous too, it could run both ways. I myself am not the sort, in fact I'm pretty much a pussy at heart. I want to try new things, but most times 'want' loses out to my dear ol' friend 'procrastination' or 'fear'. Give me someone to pull me out of that comfort zone. Dare I bungy jump, backpack through the streets of India, or just quit my job to go travel for a month? Try me.

(pic sources: Google & various tumblrs)

More words than sense? Mm. So this it. The overall, the gist, the basics. Of course, a l'il romance doesn't hurt since we girls just looooove (even if we say we don't) us some nitty gritty gestures. Are they too much to ask? Perhaps it really does sound like that draw up of a Prince Charming IDK but whatever. Just saying y'know. So mom, if you ever feel the need to ask again, please read this and you'll understand why I'm still single.

spur of vomit

I've never been one to pen down thoughts in words, but I guess I should once in a while. As the title suggests, more like vomit rucking up a storm. Ease up a little, let go some more. Show a vulnerable side once in a while perhaps (hah!) whatever. IDK now's probably the moment or I guess I never will. I've been meaning to blog about things but never seem to get round to them y'know? And when I do words then fail me and I struggle to compose those sentences that I had in mind just a while ago. So I'm just gonna whack it here and let the flow go this time round whether it makes sense or not IDC really.  Maybe someday I'll look back on this entry and have a nice chuckle (or cringe).

So let's start with being 'busy' with the daily life. What is daily life really? Work, exercise, family and friends. I honestly am not the friendliest kid round the block so naturally I don't have many friends to begin with. At the same time, most of my friends are already attached so weekends are basically reserved for their gf/bf time. In other words, friends in relationships become boring people. Been there, done that, feeling the shit for myself now. Can't be helped though, but I get bored so let me whine about it. And that pretty much leaves me with work, exercise, family and me time really. Busy? Nope. But it's sufficient. For now. Family has been hard in the past thanks to my rebellious streaks, but I guess I've grown up that little and have learnt to appreciate family time more. Been shopping for home decor a lot lately with my mom, I'm teaching her how to place photo frames and posters in that fancy smanchy way. Digging through old photos of mom and dad and the sisters. I bet dad would be swelling with happiness knowing that. Me time is always a cherished moment, curling up with a book and nursing a warm latte. But too much of it could bore my tits to tears. Sometimes even IDK what I want it's annoying.

Exercising on a daily basis is seemingly going strong still (I hope), thus a little more to look forward to. Setting goals for yourself is just another step. Baby steps. Been obsessing over Tumblr a lot lately for inspiration and motivation to werk it. Not easy, but still gets me going. I appreciate the amount of time I have in being able to commit to this. And I need it to work out. Resolutions don't usually come up this late, but IDC I'll take this exception and make it work by the year end. Cliche as it sounds, but hey, YOLO.

Work is still mundane as ever but now's not the time to consider a change what with year end bonuses coming round and holidays to pay for. Greedy much, but I'm still staying put for it. Maybe I'll use some to bring my mom for a short trip or something. Maybe. Taiwan trip is approaching fast this year end. Never been keen on the place, but I'll try to make the most out of it. I'm hoping that the trip will be swell and well spent, fingers crossed. Tried out for an interview for a huge opportunity earlier this year but they never got back despite the initial kind words of positive feedback. It was rather a(nother) big disappointment, but I guess things are just not meant to be sometimes. Perhaps next year will be a better one and I'll need to make sure it is by doing something about it. Change is always at the back of my mind, but never one to push the limits nor taking risks it seems like change will be harder than said. I recently read this article which really tugged at a piece of me.

Most fears keep us at arm’s length like that: we back down at just the idea of doing something nerve-wracking. The fear has done its job — to keep us from going there — and so we don’t look any closer at what it is we’re really afraid of about that idea. .....

..... Each of us has a whole bank of awful moments in our memories, each of which are so painful that we can’t accept that we could experience the same pain again. 

When you feel fear, take that as a reminder to bring curiosity to the moment. Something new is on the other side of it. If you act in spite of the fear, something exciting is going to go down. Nine times out of ten you’ll end up gaining some situational benefit, and ten times out of ten, you’ll feel stronger immediately. ..... Think of what a powerful notion that is: fear is fun.

Have fun today. 

(Source: Why Your Fears Won't Come True by David Cain)

Interesting piece. Definitely somethings that strikes close to home. And it sets you thinking. To throw aside everything, be it your job, family or friends (well, temporarily at least) to experience something altogether new. A new challenge. Risk taking. No expectations. To be frank it's not an easy step, and like the article mentioned fear is never far from thoughts. I don't know what to think of it, and I suspect I'll never really go through any such 'change'. At most I'd probably just stick to a few more small scripted tattoos or a pierced nipple for self satisfaction IDK. Whatever. I don't always like thinking, though I tend to think too much. Thinking makes me want to smoke, and smoking is bad for you. Approaching 26 next year, and I am frankly starting to panic. Adult life sucks sometimes, let's be honest. Its always just easier choosing between toys as a kid than making choices in life. Adulthood just smacks you there and then, bam. 

Speaking of which, should I be panicking about my single status too? WTH are there so many things to ponder about..? Friends and family have been badgering me about it. Even my beautician at the facial spa tells me to find someone already. I'm frankly not sure about this. My point is, why the need to 'find someone' though? This topic doesn't come easily to me since I easily like to fend it off at most times, but I guess I should speak of both ways of my thoughts. I've been single for more than two years now, the longest I have ever been since my teenage years. Back then, any boy could have easily been a boyfriend/steady/crush. And we're obviously (should be) past that. I guess I should say that since the break a lot has changed and I should be thankful for that. In many ways I'm stronger and more thoughtful. The occasional sour puss in me does react now and then but it never lasts long. I'll be honest here though, there are days when I go through the 'I am such a loner' or 'why do all my friends have a gf/bf but me' phase which digs into that envious side of mine. Sometimes I see old people holding hands and sigh to myself, and maybe I think about about how it used to feel like cuddling. I don't like talking about it cause it obviously puts me in 'bad' light aka vulnerable girly shit. But I am a girl afterall so that sort of shit sticks. However, most days I just live by like a free soul, thankful for the independence and 'no man, no cry' theory which sets me in superwoman power mode, looking up to the likes of Condalisa Rice or some random singleton celebrity. No one to report to, and no money issues (past experience) to deal with. Except, I haven't got the riches like them. IDK which thought is more ridiculous or sad really.

As a kid, I used to think that I would want to get married by 24 and kids by 25/26. Not exactly the ideal case right now, nor practical. Breakups make you look at things in another perspective. No regrets, just lessons learnt. And life is short and unpredictable, not a bed of roses like how fairy tales tell'em. You fall, you get hurt, you pick up again, you move on. That's the way to it. IDK if I'll ever be attached again, and given such length since and living my current carefree style IDK if I'd ever be used to it. Attraction doesn't come easily to me, and I have long since thought to be careful about feelings per se. Neither do I have a mass male selection at the moment. And I've been told that my face resembles more like a 'sia lan' gangster most of the time so hardly inviting. I digress, but those are their words against mine. I suppose only time will tell. Right now, Tumblr is pretty much my best friend. And please don't tell me to 'find someone'. I just don't work that way. I know I don't have the widest social circle, but to 'find someone' just screams desperation really. And I don't just settle for any Tom, Dick or Harry, I mean really now. And being fickle that I am, I haven't really come to terms what or who I want, but for sure I don't settle for anything less. Not to mention that I'm a traditional girl, I dig boys going after the lady. In ways it may not work out well for me, and maybe I'll be that spinster that we all used to joke about. But then it may be just meant to be. We'll joke about it again when we get there.

(pic sources: various tumblrs)

when it comes to love

Life is really interesting the way it turns out. Especially in the transition from being a child to being an adult. You may escape reality for a while, but it catches you up and scares you from behind. 

What seems like a brilliant love story always has its pain. Nothing turns out as it looks like. Even when anything else seems to be stupid to claim. 

Life is not what you make it, because you have so little power over your own life. 

Ironically enough, others form what you become. Others form where you are, and how you feel. 

And, sadly enough, so many young people have such an amazing view of life - life is what I make it. 

Truth is, you’ll have very little to say. 

I don’t know if I will laugh at this when I get older, but I have discovered that when you see the best in people, you get blinded. You have to be ready to see the best AND worst in people. You can’t ignore the bad sides, the luggage or even the slightest signals. 

Truth is, most of the time, it’s too late. We are so positive as people. We always want to hope for the best, give the best, try our hardest. 

Especially when it comes to love.

Love just seems so lovely. Truly, even after all the awful stories you’ve heard from friends and relatives... even after countless warnings. After countless advise. You still give yourself to someone because you think this significant other is, somehow, different. 

And so it goes. It seems like you have all you ever wanted. It seems like this is it - this is the life, this is the love - your dream has come true, everything is the way it is supposed to be. 

But little by little, reality catches up with you, and before you know it, you are staring into the eyes of a wholly different person. It is almost frightening, how little you know, and what is even more frightening is that you thought you actually knew.

Because after all... this was nothing close to blind love. You know each other’s good and bad sides, you know the pretty and the ugly, you know the habits and you know the stories.

Yet reality, in it’s purest form, still hides behind that imperfect but, yet so cherished person. 

Truth is, we think that our stories are different. That finally, it will make sense. Finally, someone understands and receives in the way that you have longed for. You give everything you have, even what you do not have. 

But nothing about us is different. Just as real as everything else. Disappointment, tears, misunderstanding, grudge, regret, sadness.

Every person that comes into our lives shapes us, creates us. That is, we are a creation of other people. Now meeting another creation, of other people, can form a clash, which happens in every single story. 

What do you, then, do with it, when there is no way back? When the tables are set and the dress is bought, and life is ahead?

There is no regret, but reality certainly does frighten.

(Source:  leloveimage)

strangers

___________

This one time I painted a living room with a girl.

This was a handful of years back. It was about eight months before the huge, flame-out of a breakup. That day, though? That day we painted the living room? It was pretty uneventful. We painted my parents living room for $50 between us and a pizza. That was it. I think we watched Anchorman or something after that.

But it still holds as on of the most indelible memories I have. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not still in love, it happened, it was good, it ended, and we’ve both moved on. But I’ll never forget that day. Because it’s never, in the long run, about the grand gestures. You can fly across the world and show up on her doorstep with a rose in your teeth and a ring in a little velvet box but I can guarantee you that - more often than not - she’s going to remember the time you built the birdhouse in the back yard, or what have you, a whole lot more.

Life wasn’t meant to be taken in large movements. The next day will inevitably arrive, you’ll sleep, and the moment will have passed. But when you have a hundred thousand small moments, you can step back and appreciate the picture a lot more than metaphorically blowing your load on some grand moment that, in all honesty, look, you’re not Bruce Fucking Springsteen, you’re not going to be able to blow everyone’s mind every single night. You’re not Romeo and/or Juliet. There’s no reason to drink the poison together in some flame-out gesture. So that leaves us with the small stuff. It’s all about the detail.

That’s what love is. Attention to detail.

And the moment will end. And then things will get boring. And it might get a little quiet. And it might all end horribly. And you might hate eachother at the end. And you might walk away from eachother one day and never speak again. But that’s just how it goes.

But she’ll remember the time you held the door open for her on your first date.

She’ll remember the time you laughed at her impression of the landlady.

She’ll remember the time you stayed up all night that first time. 

She’ll remember the small things a lot longer than the big ones.

But everything ends. And I’ll tell you why you have to make the small things, the small moments count so much more:

One day, probably a while longer from now, when old age takes ahold of someone, she might just only remember your smile. Everything you ever did together, every second, every moment, every beat, every morning spent in bed, every evening spent together on the sofa, all of that - gone.Everything you ever did will be reduced to the head of a pin.She won’t remember your name. She’ll just remember your smile, and she’ll smile. She won’t know why. It’s a base, gut reaction. But she’ll smile, uncontrollably, and it will come from somewhere so deep as to know that you touched her on a primal, honest, and true level that no scientist, scholar, or savant could ever begin to explain. There is no more. There is nothing else. There is just this: She’ll remember your smile, and she’ll smile.

And you know what? That’s all that really matters in the end.

(Source: Ned Hepburn)

updates

Hi! I'm not dead yet, fear not. I've been....procrastinating. Not to mention some new things having been added to my plate, well let's just say I've been rather focused on it and so the lack of updates of recent. Not much to add, the usual daily knick knacks and stuff. To cut to the chase and make things short, here are some recent updates (which I bothered to capture in digital).

Pink Magnums!! The newly released ones. Not a usual fan of the color pink, but these just sort of struck to me in curiosity. Pink champagne you say? Interesting concept. Not too fond of the fast melting ice cream within though, as I had to eat it in a rush in order for it not to drip onto my floors. Milkiness got a little overwhelming at the end for me, and I really would have preferred a mix of both Pink Champagne and Espresso flavors in one box rather than having to buy them separately. Marketing efforts I know, but really, Magnum ain't exactly the cheapest sort like your good ol' friend Potong Ice.

It was another trip past the borders over one of the past weekends with the fam bam. Woke up way too early just cause my mom needed to head to the bank there, but alas they don't even operate on weekends. Lucky chaps, and just our luck. Spent the whole day just roaming within City Square. We didn't venture beyond since I was super paranoid about the whole recent chaos in JB and still ongoing right now.

And as usual, perhaps we ate a little too much as well. I was so zonked out in the early hours I insisted on a huge cup of Green Tea Latte from Starbucks. Loved that they spelt my name correctly without asking, yessssss. Lunch was at Sakae Sushi which pretty much sucked. And I thought Singapore was bad enough, but the menu in Malaysia is even worse, yikes. Hence, the obvious reason as to why no pictures. Bought the usual favorite bunch of fruits for snacking, and tea time at some cafe which was housing way too many houseflies. I mean seriously? Bitch, please. I decided to bring the gang to Nando's for dinner. Besides seafood and Seoul Garden, Nando's is possibly the next best choice to have when in Malaysia. Prices are half of what it costs in Singapore, duh. Three of us shared the family platter, and all I can say is - too much food. I felt bad after. Though not for long cause the mothership decided to buy me new shoes! Ah such love for aztec prints.

Last weekend my mom and I went to Ikea. I was adamant about devouring the meatballs which have been sorely missed! At the same time I also needed to check out some new shoes for working out at Queensway. You'll see later the awesome pair that I got. On the contrary of the above #foodporn image, I have been working out. Weekends always end up as cheat days. Anyway, more later. Sunday struck me with inspirations to decorate my luggage with stuckers. For one, I think it looks pretty damn cool. Second, it'll be easier to spot the darn monstrosity on arrival belts and save me the effort in scrutinizing each and every grey piece, which is practically everyone else's too.

Finally, reaching a moment to show that I'm not just a gluton whore. Recently I saw some girl's Instagram account, which she featured her journey from obesity to her current slim figure. And all I can say is, she looks amazeballs. She talked about eating healthily and working out towards the healthier look. And apparently she swore by Jillian Michaels' 30 Day Shred video, which she religiously followed through for a month before slimming down drastically. I googled up loads of posts on the 30 Day Shred regime, and results have looked pretty good to me. And since last week, in attempt to see results for myself, I've been working out everyday following her videos. Basically its a 30 minute workout done every day, starting from Level 1 for ten days, and progressing on to Level 2 and 3 respectively after each ten days. Let's just say, working out in never easy. But thankfully, being obsessed with toning down my ever existent belly combined with determination, I think I'm surviving quite well so far. Not to mention, I don't feel as sleepy and tired everyday as I usually would. I'm now on to day 9 of Level 1, and soon on to Level 2 which looks pretty tough. All the same, I'm hoping to push through all the way. Perhaps I'd have the guts to show some results here when I do haha!

Okay signing off now, and before I do let's not forget to post a self shot just for perks. Okay toodles. x

#ootd

Camouflage T-shirt - The Cult of Nine // Skort - Zara // Jacket - H&M

Flats - Zara

A sneaky picture taken while the people were out for lunch. Self shots are not really that easy, and in my fluster I even forgot to remove my work lanyard (duh). Oh well, happy Friday and cheers to the weekend people!

new toys

A month long of silence, yikes. That's how long I've been gone. I've been lazy again, and nothing new's been happening sooooooooo. Yep.

Well anyway moving on I'm back for a short update post. And guess what? Judging by the awesome pictures, it means that I've gotten myself a brand new camera!! Yeah yeah, $$$$$ all over again. But I thought it was about time for an upgrade. My trusty old Olympus E-PL2 has been with me for a while now, and I suppose I was urging for something new. When I previously got the Olympus via an awesome deal on Groupon, no research was bothered and I sort of just went ahead since the design was nice and all that. Stupid way of investment, I know. But luckily, it was an alright camera and I by all means am not a great photographer anyway.

So before I decided upon the final choice, I set about on all the research needed. I wasn't exactly sure what I wanted to go for, but the picture quality was a must have. I don't need the best form from a Canon 5D Mark III, but I simply can't deal with any of those cheesy grainy digital pictures anymore either. Of late I've been printing and framing a whole set of great pictures taken from travels and with family, so to me a picture has got be good for a frame. Details of memories are what that counts. So I read up a whole lot of reviews about the latest cameras and their functions whatnots. Quite frankly, I kept changing my choices I was a tad annoyed with myself too hah! And let's be real, I ain't gonna be any professional anytime soon. The final choices came down to the Sony nex-6, RX100 ii, and the Fujifilm x100s. To be honest, I would've loved to get the Fuji, but ultimately it was out of my budget range. Last decision went to Sony RX100 ii, newly launched August 2013 (typical 'kiasu' me sought around to get my hand on it as fast as possible). In the end, I figured compact was still the way to go. My Olympus wasn't DSLR-sized, but bringing it out on usual days were a chore to me. The new camera only has one lens, non-interchangeable, and perhaps that's better so that I can't go about buying more unnecessary lenses.

So I brought the new Sony out last week to dinner with the girls. Test shots, and fooling around with the awesome Wi-fi function. Quality is pretty great, though I'll still need to figure out the various modes used (I can never seem to remember ugh). We had great fun doing self-shots all night after dinner. I can't wait to play with it more!

Next up, I need that iPad mini. $$$$$